Being a groomsman has a reputation for being easy, and it is roughly half earned. The work is genuinely light, perhaps fifteen to twenty hours across a year. The problem is that nearly all of it is time-sensitive, and nobody tells you which parts.
Measurements are the clearest example. Submitting them two weeks late is not a small delay, because the rental order ships as one group and yours holds up seven other people. The same is true of the bachelor party payment, the rehearsal and the call time. The job is not hard: it is a short list of deadlines and a day of being where you said you would be.
So here is the list, by phase, with the optional parts marked, because a few things people assume are required are not.
The Whole Checklist, by Phase
| Phase | Your tasks |
|---|---|
| When you say yes | Confirm you can afford it. Ask about attire, travel and the bachelor budget. Save the date |
| 9 to 12 months out | Submit measurements. Order or reserve the suit. Book travel |
| 6 to 9 months out | Alterations. Shoes, shirt, socks to the brief. Help with the bachelor party |
| 3 to 6 months out | Final fitting. Pay your bachelor party share. Confirm grooming and haircut timing |
| 1 to 3 months out | Attend the bachelor party. Buy the wedding gift. Confirm the day's timings |
| The week of | Collect the suit. Haircut. Pack. Attend the rehearsal and dinner |
| The wedding day | Arrive on time. Help him dress. Seat guests. Walk, stand, hold. Make guests welcome. Dance |
| After | Return the rental on time. Send the photos you took |
That is the complete job. Everything below is the detail.
When You Say Yes
Confirm you can afford it before you commit. A groomsman year commonly runs $700 to $1,500 all in. A rented suit is usually $150 to $250, a bought one $200 to $400, alterations $40 to $100, and the bachelor party is the biggest single line by a distance.
Ask three questions in the first month, plainly, before anything is ordered:
- What is the attire, and are we renting or buying?
- What is the rough budget for the bachelor party?
- Where is the wedding and will I need to travel?
Nobody minds being asked. Everybody minds finding out in month nine.
Put the date in your calendar immediately, plus the rehearsal, and block the day either side. Travelling there and recovering each take one.
Say yes to the role, not to everything. Being a groomsman does not commit you to planning the bachelor party or attending every event. Our groomsman's guide covers the role in full.
9 to 12 Months Out
Submit your measurements. The hard deadline of the job and the most common failure in it.
Get measured properly rather than guessing from a shirt label. Most rental services and many shops do it free in ten minutes, and some provide a guided self-measurement that works if you follow it exactly. Send the numbers the week you are asked, because the order goes in as one group and a late set holds up everyone's.
Order or reserve the suit. Rentals are typically confirmed months ahead and delivered the week of the wedding. A bought suit needs six to eight weeks at minimum to allow for alterations.
Book travel if there is travel. Flights are cheapest well ahead and the hotel block usually has a release date. Book inside the block if there is one, because that is how the couple tracks who is where.
Turn notifications on for however the party is coordinating. Muting the group chat is a rational response to its volume and it means missing the two messages a month that needed you.
6 to 9 Months Out
Alterations. Allow $40 to $100 for a rental's tweaks and more for a bought suit. Sleeve and trouser length matter most in photographs.
Buy shoes, shirt, tie and socks to the brief. Ask what the brief is rather than guessing. Black and brown shoes are not interchangeable and somebody has decided which.
Help plan the bachelor party, if asked. Usually the best man leads and the groomsmen contribute. If you are helping, push for budget ranges before anything is booked, which our bachelor party guide treats as step one.
Optional: a venue visit, a suit shopping trip, assembling anything. Only offer if you will turn up.
3 to 6 Months Out
Final fitting. Bring the shoes you will actually wear. A trouser break set over trainers is set wrong.
Pay your bachelor party share, on time. Chasing payments is the least pleasant job in any wedding party and it always falls on the same person.
Confirm grooming timings. If there is a group barber appointment, note it. If not, book a haircut for three or four days before the wedding rather than the day before, which gives the cut time to settle.
Optional: a group gift from the party rather than individual wedding gifts. Six people at $40 buys a $240 present, which beats six small ones.
1 to 3 Months Out
Attend the bachelor party. If you can only do part of it, say so early and specifically. One night of a longer trip is normal. A cancellation after bookings are paid is not.
Buy the wedding gift, or confirm your share of the group one. Commonly $75 to $200 from a member of the party.
Confirm the day's timings in writing. Call time, location, what to bring, what you are wearing when you arrive, and who to call if something goes wrong. If you have not been sent this a month out, ask.
Optional but genuinely useful: take one specific job off him. Not "let me know if you need anything", which is kind and produces nothing. Name something: "I will drive your parents from the hotel" beats ten open offers.
The Week Of
Collect the suit and try the whole thing on. All of it, including shoes and tie. Rentals arrive days before the wedding, and arrive wrong often enough that trying it on the day it lands is the difference between a fix and a crisis.
Haircut, three or four days out.
Pack the night before you travel. The reliable list: suit, shirt, tie, shoes, belt, socks that are actually a pair, undershirt, cufflinks if the shirt needs them, your gift, charger, painkillers.
Attend the rehearsal. This is where you learn where you walk, how fast, where you stand, when you sit, and whether you are escorting anyone. Twenty minutes that make the ceremony effortless.
Attend the rehearsal dinner if invited, which you usually are.
Set two alarms. Morning call times are earlier than anyone expects.
The Wedding Day
Arrive at your call time, not around it. The morning is built backwards from the ceremony and the photographer, and one late arrival moves everything behind it.
Help him dress and get him out of the door. Tie, cufflinks, boutonniere, pocket square. Someone should also be making sure he eats, because grooms routinely do not.
Boutonniere on the left, pinned from behind through the lapel rather than straight through the front. It takes two people and thirty seconds.
Seat guests before the ceremony, if that is the arrangement. Groomsmen often double as ushers for the half hour before the ceremony, which is the most useful thing they do all day: greeting people, pointing them to seats, helping anyone who needs an arm, reserving the front rows. Our usher duties guide is the full version.
Walk, stand, hold. Walk at the rehearsed pace, which is slower than instinct. Stand still through the ceremony, hands in front rather than in pockets, face up. You are in every photograph of it.
Know what you are carrying. The rings and vow cards are usually the best man's, and our best man duties timeline sets out what sits with him. If you are holding anything, know it in advance rather than being handed it at the altar.
Be useful at the reception without being on duty. Make the guests near you welcome, especially anyone on their own. Keep an eye on him. Dance, because a wedding party that dances starts the floor and one that stands at the bar does not.
Pace yourself. The day runs twelve hours and starts early. Nobody has ever regretted being the groomsman who was still coherent at eleven.
Be on time for the send-off, and know in advance whether there is one.
After
Return the rental on time. Late fees land on whoever's card is attached, which is often the best man's.
Send him the photographs you took, at full resolution, within a week or two. The morning and the dance floor are where the professional was not, and those shots are the ones the couple will otherwise never see.
Check in a few weeks later. The quiet after a wedding is real, and a message from someone who was there lands well.
What Is Not Your Job
- Running the bachelor party on your own unless you are the best man and have taken it on.
- Giving a speech, unless you have been asked. One best man speech plus one or two parents is the usual shape.
- Carrying the rings. The best man's job, almost always.
- Paying for things you were not consulted about. If something has been required rather than suggested, it is reasonable to ask whether it is covered.
- Being contactable constantly. Replying within a day is plenty.
Common Questions
What are the main duties of a groomsman?
Submit measurements on time, get the suit ordered and altered, pay your bachelor party share, attend the bachelor party and the rehearsal, arrive at your call time, help the groom dress, seat guests before the ceremony, stand where you rehearsed, make guests welcome, dance, return the rental and send your photographs.
How much does it cost to be a groomsman?
Commonly $700 to $1,500 all in, before long-distance travel. A rented suit runs $150 to $250, a bought one $200 to $400, alterations $40 to $100, and the bachelor party is usually the largest line at $300 to $900 depending on whether it involves flights.
What is the difference between a groomsman and the best man?
The best man carries the rings and vow cards, gives the speech, usually leads the bachelor party, and is the groom's point of contact on the day. Groomsmen support that: they turn up on time, seat guests, stand in the ceremony and help the day run. One is a coordinating role, the others support it.
Do groomsmen pay for their own suits?
Usually yes, along with alterations, shoes and accessories. Some couples cover the suits entirely, and it is more common when they have specified something expensive or unusual. It is a fair question to ask in the first month, before anything is ordered.
When should groomsmen get a haircut before a wedding?
Three or four days before, not the day before. A fresh cut needs a few days to settle, and a same-day haircut is the most common avoidable regret in the role. If there is a group barber appointment, go to it.
The Short Version
Confirm you can afford it and ask three questions in month one. Submit your measurements the week you are asked, because yours holds up everyone else's order. Alter the suit, pay your share on time, go to the bachelor party and the rehearsal, arrive at your call time. Help him dress, pin the boutonniere, seat guests, walk slowly, stand still, make people welcome, dance, pace yourself, then return the rental and send him your photographs.
Fifteen to twenty hours across a year, and four deadlines that genuinely matter. The rest is turning up well.
Measurement deadlines, a bachelor budget, six people's shares and a call time nobody can find? Nozari gives the whole wedding party one shared calendar and tasks with names on them. See how it works.
